I'll be writing a book...

That's right...one of these days I'll be writing a book (most likely with my sis and dad and some of the other teachers and coaches I know) based on the interesting stories and events that come with being a teacher or coach. Some of y'all wouldn't BELIEVE the crap I hear on a daily basis that most of the time I can't help but laugh about. Kids these days, I swear! Yeah - I feel like my grandma when I say that, but it's SO true. It's no wonder I'm terrified of having kids!

Enjoy this sneak peak into our book that you can probably expect to see in stores sometime in the next decade or so. Depends on how busy I am during my well-deserved summers off. :)

In case you are wondering, my kids are 11-14 years old.

Story #1: Just last week I had a pretty typical encounter with one of my students whose behavior has gradually gotten worse throughout the year. Most of my kids have ZERO filter so whatever they are thinking is exactly what's going to come out of their mouths. He is no exception to this; in fact, he may be the worst one. Earlier this year the entire class was forced to sit in silence when he yelled out something about how his old teacher "was such a SLUT!" as they questioned me about any "hidden" tattoos I might have. Apparently his fifth grade teacher had a "tramp stamp" so that made her a SLUT! Yes, this is what I hear every day. Anyway...on to the most recent of his inappropriate actions...I was standing in one of the other teachers' classrooms during Advisory (pointless waste of time) and the kid looks at me and says...and I quote: "You look like a squash Coach C. You're like skinny on top then you just keep getting bigger as your body goes down." SERIOUSLY!?!?!?!!?!?!?!? What the FRICKEN CRAP KID????? As if I don't already have a complex about my weight, this kid has to point it out!!!! I love kids I love kids I love kids I love my job I love my job I love my job. I just have to say it over and over sometimes, otherwise I might just quit every other day or so.

Story #2: Let's just keep on going with comments that kids make about the way I look (and not just me, they make comments about everyone). Inappropriate, usually...but sometimes they are just downright funny. Alright. So the last period of the day (apart from Athletics) is always the toughest. I have 4 classes in a row in the afternoons so typically by my last class I've completely lost it. I've given up the fight by that point. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right? Right. Never fails, I always have some characters in that last class of the day that can make me laugh no matter how good or bad the day has been. Earlier this year, I was having one of those days where nothing was really wrong, but it was just a bad day, ya know? I was in a funk. Leave it to my 7th period to turn that around. One kid walks up to my desk in front of the whole class and says, "You know Coach C, some boys in this school have crushes on you." I said, "Oh really, is that so?" He laughs and says, "Yeah, they think you're hot..." (he hesitates and continues)..."but I just don't see it."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Can I tell y'all how I just busted out laughing! Some of the girls in the class yelled at him how rude it was, but I just said "No girls, it's okay, everyone is entitled to their opinions!" Oh...that was classic. I didn't stop laughing for the rest of the day and I still laugh every single time I think about it! Honesty IS the best policy, right?!?!

Story #3: Ok ok ok. I've saved the best of the three for last. This incident happened last year during my first year teaching and I had NO IDEA how to handle the situation. Brief background: Typically you have kids in every class that always answer all the questions and then those that pretty much sit in silence throughout the year. Well, when the silenced ones speak out, be prepared for what they might say! To my knowledge and recollection, this kid had never said a word apart from socializing with friends before and after the bell rang. He sat quietly during class and made pretty good grades. So one day I'm sitting in front of the class as we talk about French and Spanish explorers in Texas and the way that Natives reacted upon their arrival. (For those of you that don't already know...interactions got pretty nasty between Natives and early European settlers...the Spaniards in East Texas and the French in Louisiana) I asked the class "What might've been a better way for the Natives to handle their frustrations rather than raid the Spaniards in their villages in Texas?" The "Silenced One" as I will call him IMMEDIATELY raises his hand and is waving it out of control. I'm pretty caught off guard because he NEVER volunteered before that, but I'm also really excited to get a new perspective in the mix. Of course I call on him first, and he kinda calmed himself and tried to explain his idea. It went a little something like this...
"So, instead of killing the Spaniards, the Natives should've just gone over to Louisiana and started a rumor with the French people. They should've told the French that the Spaniards were calling them pussies!!!"
........................................................................................................................................................................
(That reflects my moment of silence to try to figure out what the hell that kid just said.)
Me: "Silenced One...OUT IN THE HALL NOW!!!!!!!"
Silenced One: "What did I do???"
Entire Class: "What did he say?!? What'd he do??????"
Me: "Go NOW!"
Everyone: "What the heck happened???"
Me: "Everyone just hush, let's move on!"
.........................................................................................................................................................................
(That reflects me burying my face in my book for a good five minutes trying to keep the class from seeing me laughing so hard that I was crying.)

You see, it's always something when you work with kids. This kid doesn't say a word all year, and the first thing out of his mouth is a word that makes me cringe every time I hear it. He has NO CLUE that it's not an appropriate word and he is so sad because he is not used to being in trouble. I call him in after class and say "Silenced One, do you know what that word means?" He said no, so (not sure why, but) I ask "do you want me to tell you what that word means?" THANK GOD he said no, and I follow up by saying "Silenced One, you do not ever use words that you don't know the meaning of." He nods his head. I tell him he has to sign the discipline book and explain what he did. I think nothing more of it until I go back later and read his "explanation." Not only does he not know what the word means, but clearly his spelling is lacking a bit as well.
His name, along with the "explanation" read like this:
"Silenced One - pusy"


You're going to want to buy my book, aren't you?

The Simple Things.

Well, I've been saying for years that I needed to start a blog...so here goes nothing! I mean, I studied Communication for two degrees worth of time so I better not let all that time and energy go to waste, right? I figure that's good enough reason to write pages and pages worth of irrelevant, unimportant and useless information to be read by friends, family and maybe even a few strangers that mosey onto my page. Enjoy :)

So, as hard as it is to believe, Miles and I have been married for almost a year! It feels like just yesterday that I spent the evening COVERED in sweat since the freaking AC broke at the wedding venue smack dab in the middle of a hot ass Texas summer. I mean, I'm not one to complain about sweating considering that 99.9% of the time I'm freezing cold and under blankets...but come on. June 27th, 300 people, and NO AIR? To all of the guests at our wedding, I apologize that all your fun pics in the photobooth are of you drenched in sweat amid the crazy hats and glasses! I hope you all still enjoyed yourselves! :)

Anywho, as our first anniversary quickly approaches, I'm having an issue with a certain "tradition" that I'm supposed to follow. From what I hear you are supposed to keep the top layer of your wedding cake to eat on your first anniversary. Year old cake? No thanks, I'd rather a brownie or a Reese's egg or something. I didn't even have cake AT the wedding (apart from the piece that was smashed in my face and that I was still blowing out of my nose 3 days into our honeymoon), so why on Earth would I eat a piece a year later?? Either way, we'll be heading out on the high seas on our anniversary (year 6 of our annual family cruise!) and you can bet your sweet behind that I'll be eating plenty of delicious treats for an entire week, none of which include gnarly, year-old WHITE cake. I'm just sayin... However, this will probably be another thing my mother makes me do like when she told me I couldn't get married if I wasn't going to change my name. Seriously? I'm what? 30-ish years old and Cindy is still telling me what to do. Sheesh. :)

Moving right along, Miles and I have had a FANTASTIC first year of marriage. We bought a perfect little house in Benbrook (I seriously need a maid), we replaced the trusty ol' Jimmy with a more "dependable" SUV that I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE, Miles is working days at Alcon as a, wait for it.............SCIENTIST!!! (yeah, you read that right - go ahead, go back and read it over and over, it won't change!), I'm still at Aledo teaching and coaching the youth of the future, and last, but certainly not least, we got the most awesome dog EVER and named him after the one and only badass ball-player Josh Hamilton...Ladies and Gentlemen, meet HAMBONE.

Yes, it's okay to be jealous of my little angel dog. And yes, I do realize I am one of those pathetic losers that is obsessed with her dog. And yes, I'm completely okay with it. :) Ya gotta give me something people, all my friends are pregnant and having babies...we aren't quite ready to take on that responsibility yet, so being Mom and Dad to Hambone will just have to do for now! Also, in case you are wondering, he's much bigger than the 12 pounds he was in this picture, but at 45 pounds and still growing he's as adorable as ever. I'm a very proud Mama. ;)

A few other things that have happened during our first year of marriage:

We had our first Thanksgiving as a married couple at our house and my family joined us. My dad enjoyed one too many glasses of wine and ended up on a late night walk around the neighborhood. When Ryan found him, they walked a block together before Dad finally stopped, looked at him and asked "Who the hell are you?" (true story!)

We had a fantastic Christmas break. The men in the family headed to Sin City and the women to NYC. Ahhh, the Big Apple! Firefighters, shopping, Mimi busting it in the snow in the middle of Times Square, the Lion King, freezing toes, and lots of quality time with the ladies. It was fabulous!

New Years was great. We threw a "party" and I drank entirely too much champagne. That hangover lasted about a week. Miles slept in a tent-cot in the garage. Mom drove the drunks to pick up the other drunks at 3 in the morning. I believe Bell still owes you for that one Mom! Overall it was an interesting and memorable evening.

We had Easter at the house as well. I love not having to drive for hours and everyone coming here to stay with us. I also love the fact that my mom, aunt and grandmas are always going to cook and clean while I sit around doing nothing. It's a rough life! :)

Last month Bell, Davis and Whit were in from Houston, so we decided to have some people over for a day of drinking, grilling and outdoor games. Turns out that Miles and I aren't the best entertainers and we are entirely too competitive. We got in the fight of the year over BEER PONG...yes, that's right, that's what we fight about. We need a rule book for that damn game. Anyway, if any of our friends that were here that day have hesitations about hanging out with us again, I can promise you that Miles and I discussed it and decided that we will never again be on opposing teams during intense beer pong matches. HA!

Softball ended for the Aledo Ladycats in the first round of playoffs, and the Lady Panthers got beat in the third round. We are all at a loss about what the heck we are to do with all this free time. As you can see, blogging at 1:45 AM is my new past-time.

Overall, this year has been absolutely AMAZING and filled with lots and lots of fun and laughter. A memorable first year of marriage? Check!

Alright, it's almost 2 in the morning at night (haha) and I've already been told tonight that Miles and I are an "old married couple" because our Saturday night was spent watching TV and creating a blog, so perhaps it's time for this grandma to shut it down for the evening.

A final note...Miles and I are so blessed to enjoy such a wonderful life, full of happiness and love and great friends and the best families anyone could ask for. There are so many simple things in life that make it so perfect each and every day...like Miles snoring on the couch right now, or Hambone's incessant desire to sit on my feet or snuggle up close, or a fun Friday night at the Ballpark. It's all so simple, yet so amazing. I love my life and everyone and everything in it!