When life takes an unexpected turn, moments of pure normalcy soon find themselves few and far between. In many of my previous blogs, it almost seems as if I am complaining because our lives have been somewhat monotonous and unexciting lately. Even more than me, I know Milesy would love to go back to a completely normal day last week, where it was a typical day at work, maybe an evening softball game, and a call from his best friend. Unfortunately in life, things happen that we have no control over, and things can change in an instant.
For those of you who don't know my Milesy very well, one thing about him (apart from the obvious fact that he is amazing) is that he is an avid hunter and outdoorsman. I have been on his ass on more than one occassion about not being a passionate person, but I didn't stop to think about the fact that maybe he was just passionate about something that I didn't quite understand. It has taken a horrific tragedy to make me realize that I have all but completely ignored an enormous part of his life because it's not something I cared about, understood, or had a place in. He had someone else for that.
Miles lost his best friend this weekend. Cody Allen Burns wasn't just his best friend, he was his cousin, his confidante, his hunting partner. They shared a middle name and a common bond. They were like brothers. They had such an amazing friendship that at times I found myself acting like a jealous outsider because it seemed as if Cody was a better wife than I am (I know he's laughing at this from Heaven). They talked on the phone for endless amounts of time several times throughout the week. They were supposed to be on a quail hunt on Saturday. They were supposed to go on their first big elk hunt in September. They were planning Cody's goat-roasting birthday party that isn't even until August. They had so many plans.
Why did this happen? I keep asking that question over and over again. It can't be explained, I can't process it. I'll never be able to tell Cody how thankful I am that he is a part of our lives. That he was a brother to Miles. That he helped Miles find a passion for something in life that I never would've been able to do. That I did truly love him even though he thought that I was mad at him at times for taking Miles away from me. Cody, I know that God wanted you and Miles to have as much time together as possible over the past several years. He wanted you two to make up for lost time, and He wanted you two to enjoy to the fullest the last years you had together here on Earth.
For those of you who don't know my Milesy very well, one thing about him (apart from the obvious fact that he is amazing) is that he is an avid hunter and outdoorsman. I have been on his ass on more than one occassion about not being a passionate person, but I didn't stop to think about the fact that maybe he was just passionate about something that I didn't quite understand. It has taken a horrific tragedy to make me realize that I have all but completely ignored an enormous part of his life because it's not something I cared about, understood, or had a place in. He had someone else for that.
Miles lost his best friend this weekend. Cody Allen Burns wasn't just his best friend, he was his cousin, his confidante, his hunting partner. They shared a middle name and a common bond. They were like brothers. They had such an amazing friendship that at times I found myself acting like a jealous outsider because it seemed as if Cody was a better wife than I am (I know he's laughing at this from Heaven). They talked on the phone for endless amounts of time several times throughout the week. They were supposed to be on a quail hunt on Saturday. They were supposed to go on their first big elk hunt in September. They were planning Cody's goat-roasting birthday party that isn't even until August. They had so many plans.
Why did this happen? I keep asking that question over and over again. It can't be explained, I can't process it. I'll never be able to tell Cody how thankful I am that he is a part of our lives. That he was a brother to Miles. That he helped Miles find a passion for something in life that I never would've been able to do. That I did truly love him even though he thought that I was mad at him at times for taking Miles away from me. Cody, I know that God wanted you and Miles to have as much time together as possible over the past several years. He wanted you two to make up for lost time, and He wanted you two to enjoy to the fullest the last years you had together here on Earth.
I do have several more things to tell him, so Cody, as you read this from Heaven, please know what a special person I think you are, what a wonderful friend that I know you are, and how much we all miss you and look forward to seeing you again.
Cody,
There aren't words to express the sorrow we all feel in your absence. You have clearly made an impact on so many lives, as has been obvious from the number of visitors, phone calls, emails, facebook messages, news articles, pictures, etc. that we have seen and heard here and at your parents' house over the past two days. You were a one-of-a-kind cowboy. I want to thank you for always being there for Miles. He trusted you with his life. He loves you so much, Cody.
As I struggle to find words through the tears, I trust that the Lord is taking care of you and you are a lot better off than all of us down here. Please look down on and take care of your family. I know you are my Milesy's Guardian Angel...he trusted you with his life and now I will trust you with his life.
Cody please forgive me for being less than understanding about all the hunting and fishing trips, the gun collections, the amount of time and energy it takes to work cows, or the incessant need to go to Cabela's or Academy to buy camo or look at guns. If there really is any good that is coming from this awful loss, it is this: I promise to be a better wife to Miles. I promise to be more understanding of his many loves in life...even the ones that I'm not a part of. I promise to be supportive, nurturing, and understanding. I promise that if he ever finds another friend like you that that friend will know how much he means to me because I never got the chance to tell you. Please send him that friend, Cody. No one will ever replace you, but I pray that he finds someone like you.
You and Miles are the storytellers. I can't even begin to count the number of Cody stories I've heard from him the past two days. I love that we can keep you with us always through stories. I've always known Miles loved to tell a story...I guess when you weren't around he was basking in being the best of the storytellers. Perhaps when you do send a friend, send someone who won't constantly compete with Miles for the storytelling spotlight. :)
Believe it or not I got your dad to crack a teeny tiny smile yesterday. We all know I wasn't cut from the same cloth as you country boys. I told Miles I need cowboy hat etiquette training because of course I was the one to knock Beau's cowboy hat off the table...then I was the one that tried for what felt like forever to put it back on the table with very little room to work with. And naturally I was the idiot that set it down on the brim with everyone staring at me like what is wrong with this girl??? Butch said "I wouldn't set it down like that if I was you" and I looked up to see everyone staring at me and shaking their heads. He said "you obviously aren't from around here!" and cracked a small, much needed smile. Your mom and dad need you watching over them, Cody, as do Robin and Joel and the whole family. Everyone is hurting so much right now; we all just wish you'd come walking through the door and this whole disaster would just be written off as a dream.
Of course none of us will ever understand why you were taken from us so soon. It's unfathomable that we will go on the rest of our lives without you here on Earth. It just doesn't make sense, and it's so hard to accept the reality of it all. Although we know that you won't be here in person with us in the future, it's heart-warming to know that you'll forever be with us in spirit and in our memories. We love you, we miss you, and we look forward to the day that we will see you again.
Give God a gigantic cowboy-sized hug for me.
Love you always,
Jen
Cody,
There aren't words to express the sorrow we all feel in your absence. You have clearly made an impact on so many lives, as has been obvious from the number of visitors, phone calls, emails, facebook messages, news articles, pictures, etc. that we have seen and heard here and at your parents' house over the past two days. You were a one-of-a-kind cowboy. I want to thank you for always being there for Miles. He trusted you with his life. He loves you so much, Cody.
As I struggle to find words through the tears, I trust that the Lord is taking care of you and you are a lot better off than all of us down here. Please look down on and take care of your family. I know you are my Milesy's Guardian Angel...he trusted you with his life and now I will trust you with his life.
Cody please forgive me for being less than understanding about all the hunting and fishing trips, the gun collections, the amount of time and energy it takes to work cows, or the incessant need to go to Cabela's or Academy to buy camo or look at guns. If there really is any good that is coming from this awful loss, it is this: I promise to be a better wife to Miles. I promise to be more understanding of his many loves in life...even the ones that I'm not a part of. I promise to be supportive, nurturing, and understanding. I promise that if he ever finds another friend like you that that friend will know how much he means to me because I never got the chance to tell you. Please send him that friend, Cody. No one will ever replace you, but I pray that he finds someone like you.
You and Miles are the storytellers. I can't even begin to count the number of Cody stories I've heard from him the past two days. I love that we can keep you with us always through stories. I've always known Miles loved to tell a story...I guess when you weren't around he was basking in being the best of the storytellers. Perhaps when you do send a friend, send someone who won't constantly compete with Miles for the storytelling spotlight. :)
Believe it or not I got your dad to crack a teeny tiny smile yesterday. We all know I wasn't cut from the same cloth as you country boys. I told Miles I need cowboy hat etiquette training because of course I was the one to knock Beau's cowboy hat off the table...then I was the one that tried for what felt like forever to put it back on the table with very little room to work with. And naturally I was the idiot that set it down on the brim with everyone staring at me like what is wrong with this girl??? Butch said "I wouldn't set it down like that if I was you" and I looked up to see everyone staring at me and shaking their heads. He said "you obviously aren't from around here!" and cracked a small, much needed smile. Your mom and dad need you watching over them, Cody, as do Robin and Joel and the whole family. Everyone is hurting so much right now; we all just wish you'd come walking through the door and this whole disaster would just be written off as a dream.
Of course none of us will ever understand why you were taken from us so soon. It's unfathomable that we will go on the rest of our lives without you here on Earth. It just doesn't make sense, and it's so hard to accept the reality of it all. Although we know that you won't be here in person with us in the future, it's heart-warming to know that you'll forever be with us in spirit and in our memories. We love you, we miss you, and we look forward to the day that we will see you again.
Give God a gigantic cowboy-sized hug for me.
Love you always,
Jen
God, I pray for strength for myself, for Miles, and for all of Cody's family and friends. Please be with us to navigate through the long road ahead of us. Watch over us, Lord, and help us in our time of need. Help us to understand. Help us to believe that Cody will always be with us. We survive knowing that faith will help us through this. Please be with me as I commit to being a better wife, friend, and life-long partner to Miles. Your guidance is crucial to our acceptance of this tragedy, Lord, and I pray that our faith, our hope, and our love will carry us now and always. In Your name, Amen.
