I'll be writing a book...

That's right...one of these days I'll be writing a book (most likely with my sis and dad and some of the other teachers and coaches I know) based on the interesting stories and events that come with being a teacher or coach. Some of y'all wouldn't BELIEVE the crap I hear on a daily basis that most of the time I can't help but laugh about. Kids these days, I swear! Yeah - I feel like my grandma when I say that, but it's SO true. It's no wonder I'm terrified of having kids!

Enjoy this sneak peak into our book that you can probably expect to see in stores sometime in the next decade or so. Depends on how busy I am during my well-deserved summers off. :)

In case you are wondering, my kids are 11-14 years old.

Story #1: Just last week I had a pretty typical encounter with one of my students whose behavior has gradually gotten worse throughout the year. Most of my kids have ZERO filter so whatever they are thinking is exactly what's going to come out of their mouths. He is no exception to this; in fact, he may be the worst one. Earlier this year the entire class was forced to sit in silence when he yelled out something about how his old teacher "was such a SLUT!" as they questioned me about any "hidden" tattoos I might have. Apparently his fifth grade teacher had a "tramp stamp" so that made her a SLUT! Yes, this is what I hear every day. Anyway...on to the most recent of his inappropriate actions...I was standing in one of the other teachers' classrooms during Advisory (pointless waste of time) and the kid looks at me and says...and I quote: "You look like a squash Coach C. You're like skinny on top then you just keep getting bigger as your body goes down." SERIOUSLY!?!?!?!!?!?!?!? What the FRICKEN CRAP KID????? As if I don't already have a complex about my weight, this kid has to point it out!!!! I love kids I love kids I love kids I love my job I love my job I love my job. I just have to say it over and over sometimes, otherwise I might just quit every other day or so.

Story #2: Let's just keep on going with comments that kids make about the way I look (and not just me, they make comments about everyone). Inappropriate, usually...but sometimes they are just downright funny. Alright. So the last period of the day (apart from Athletics) is always the toughest. I have 4 classes in a row in the afternoons so typically by my last class I've completely lost it. I've given up the fight by that point. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right? Right. Never fails, I always have some characters in that last class of the day that can make me laugh no matter how good or bad the day has been. Earlier this year, I was having one of those days where nothing was really wrong, but it was just a bad day, ya know? I was in a funk. Leave it to my 7th period to turn that around. One kid walks up to my desk in front of the whole class and says, "You know Coach C, some boys in this school have crushes on you." I said, "Oh really, is that so?" He laughs and says, "Yeah, they think you're hot..." (he hesitates and continues)..."but I just don't see it."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Can I tell y'all how I just busted out laughing! Some of the girls in the class yelled at him how rude it was, but I just said "No girls, it's okay, everyone is entitled to their opinions!" Oh...that was classic. I didn't stop laughing for the rest of the day and I still laugh every single time I think about it! Honesty IS the best policy, right?!?!

Story #3: Ok ok ok. I've saved the best of the three for last. This incident happened last year during my first year teaching and I had NO IDEA how to handle the situation. Brief background: Typically you have kids in every class that always answer all the questions and then those that pretty much sit in silence throughout the year. Well, when the silenced ones speak out, be prepared for what they might say! To my knowledge and recollection, this kid had never said a word apart from socializing with friends before and after the bell rang. He sat quietly during class and made pretty good grades. So one day I'm sitting in front of the class as we talk about French and Spanish explorers in Texas and the way that Natives reacted upon their arrival. (For those of you that don't already know...interactions got pretty nasty between Natives and early European settlers...the Spaniards in East Texas and the French in Louisiana) I asked the class "What might've been a better way for the Natives to handle their frustrations rather than raid the Spaniards in their villages in Texas?" The "Silenced One" as I will call him IMMEDIATELY raises his hand and is waving it out of control. I'm pretty caught off guard because he NEVER volunteered before that, but I'm also really excited to get a new perspective in the mix. Of course I call on him first, and he kinda calmed himself and tried to explain his idea. It went a little something like this...
"So, instead of killing the Spaniards, the Natives should've just gone over to Louisiana and started a rumor with the French people. They should've told the French that the Spaniards were calling them pussies!!!"
........................................................................................................................................................................
(That reflects my moment of silence to try to figure out what the hell that kid just said.)
Me: "Silenced One...OUT IN THE HALL NOW!!!!!!!"
Silenced One: "What did I do???"
Entire Class: "What did he say?!? What'd he do??????"
Me: "Go NOW!"
Everyone: "What the heck happened???"
Me: "Everyone just hush, let's move on!"
.........................................................................................................................................................................
(That reflects me burying my face in my book for a good five minutes trying to keep the class from seeing me laughing so hard that I was crying.)

You see, it's always something when you work with kids. This kid doesn't say a word all year, and the first thing out of his mouth is a word that makes me cringe every time I hear it. He has NO CLUE that it's not an appropriate word and he is so sad because he is not used to being in trouble. I call him in after class and say "Silenced One, do you know what that word means?" He said no, so (not sure why, but) I ask "do you want me to tell you what that word means?" THANK GOD he said no, and I follow up by saying "Silenced One, you do not ever use words that you don't know the meaning of." He nods his head. I tell him he has to sign the discipline book and explain what he did. I think nothing more of it until I go back later and read his "explanation." Not only does he not know what the word means, but clearly his spelling is lacking a bit as well.
His name, along with the "explanation" read like this:
"Silenced One - pusy"


You're going to want to buy my book, aren't you?